This week, we sat down with sociologist Dr. Ali Mushtaq to talk about being a sex educator who focuses on diversity and kink. We also discussed navigating consent and other nuances of race play.
Introduction to Kink and Diversity
We first asked him about his Radioactive Spider Bite Into Kink, in which he was exploring his sexuality as a graduate student in San Francisco. He grew to be fascinated with kink and BDSM after attending the Folsom Street Fair and realizing that a larger kink community existed. However, after awhile, he began feeling slightly uncomfortable after realizing the lack of people that looked like him in the community. Because of this, he began doing nonprofit work for a group that supported leathermen of color. From that, he became Mr. Long Beach Leather 2016, and the platform he grew from this helped him gain awareness about equality and equity within BDSM spheres. He then translated a lot of his work and experiences into his sociology and social justice-related BDSM education.
He then talks about how it’s difficult for him to integrate changes into communities, because people often come to BDSM to forget about problems and just have fun. However, he argues that kink spaces would be a lot more fun for everyone if we were willing to build greater trust and connection through integrating principles of equity.
Kink and Diversity Education
Dr. Ali focuses a lot of his education on race play and teaching people to be extremely cognizant of people’s triggers with this type of play. He talks about how when he enters a scene, he already knows that his race is going to be at the forefront of the experience. For example, a lot of potential play partners have preconceived notions that he’s a masculine-presenting dominant due to his race and physical characteristics. His race and gender intersect in most instances in a way that makes people assume he’s a domineering figure, when in reality, he’s a switch. When he tops somebody, he not only has to be aware of what’s going on in the scene, but also certain comments the bottom might make alluding to his race, as well as how other people might be perceiving the scene. When he’s subbing, he still has to be aware of how his race is being read and whether people are using stereotypes with him, and how to handle these situations.
Dick talks about similar conversations he’s had with people more heavily relating to gender aspects of how people are read—for example, the “Christian Grey” syndrome, where people assume that masculine means dominant and feminine means submissive. He discusses how there are more things to be aware of the more elements and biases you bring into the scene.
Navigating Race Play
We then move into a discussion about whether or not race play should be done publicly. Dr. Ali and Dick are more of the opinion that it shouldn’t be done publicly because it’s triggering for so many people, and not necessarily something you’d expect to see at a dungeon or public play space. We talk about things that you should probably expect to see at a dungeon, as well as things it’s reasonable not to expect to see at a dungeon. Additionally, we talk about how both people should be getting something out of a race play scene, and how it’s not something that should serve as fantasy fulfillment for one person involved.
We then discuss the importance of not making assumptions about people based on their physical appearance, as well as not projecting your sexuality onto other people. Dick and Lexi talk about how it’s okay to fetishize certain aspects of people, as long as you treat them as a whole person rather than just a fetish fulfillment object. Additionally, the person needs to know about and be on board for it for the fetishization to be consensual.
Dr. Ali’s classes are, essentially, 101 classes interspersed with diversity and equity training. He covers the basics of consent and communication, but also cultural diversity education that makes play more meaningful and hot. When you know how to take people’s different identities into account, this validation makes for a more erotic scene.
Finally, we answer your questions about how to build more inclusive kink spaces, Dr. Ali’s most impactful scenes, and being a leather titleholder.
Thanks for listening! If you enjoyed this one, you’d probably like episodes 237, 129, and 106.
Dr. Ali’s links:
Website
BDSM & Kink Classes
Twitter (@gettingwolfie)
Instagram (@gettingwolfie)
Facebook
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