I love big dildos. I love things that are gold. And now, finally, the stars themselves have aligned to prove once and for all that these are indeed two great tastes that go great together, for I now own a big, gold dildo. Not just any gold dildo, no, this is the Hankey’s Toys Topher Michaels. I have lusted over Hankey’s giant, silicone toys ever since the first time I saw them advertised on Fetlife, and now I have the immense pleasure of owning one… Oh, right, and also reviewing one for you today.
The Topher Michaels in question is “Medium” size, one up from the original life-size cast, and is available in two firmness options: medium-firm and 75% soft, the latter of which is the one I chose. While the website lists only a few different colors for each toy, the company does offer the option to customize color for an extra charge (which I recommend doing if you want shiny gold, because, of course you do). The first thing I’ll note is that this model of the Topher Michaels, while technically “medium,” is pretty damn big. In fact, it’s one of the heaviest dildos in my collection; this thing weighs a whopping two pounds, so it’s not for the faint of heart (or other body parts). The diameter of the shaft ranges from 2.15″ wide at its narrowest just below the head to 2.71″ near the base (with the disclaimer that these are of course estimates, since the shaft is molded off a real penis and as such isn’t perfectly round). The full length of the toy is 8.5″, with an insertable length of 6.75″. Make of those measurements what you will, but I personally am really glad I got the 75% soft silicone, because at this width, I don’t know if I would have enjoyed anything firmer. For the sake of comparison, the density is perhaps just a bit firmer than say the Squarepeg bronze formula. This toy has a very nice, mild texture, as well as the most beautiful silicone scrotum I have ever seen. Seriously, it’s just gorgeous; especially in the gold color, I love the subtle ripples of skin that give that extra level of detail. I opted to get a vac-u-lock hole in case I ever have a partner adventurous enough to try this one out, as well as to have the option of inserting a bullet vibe.
The detailed wrinkles on the balls are honestly super sexy.
Using the Topher Michaels is…frankly a bit more intimidating then I thought it would be. This is by far the largest thing I have ever put inside of myself, and there is very little taper to the top, so a bit of a warm up is usually needed. Once it’s in, I usually get about half to three quarters of the length to fit. It is so filling that it’s almost uncomfortable, but it’s also enough that it’s the perfect companion when I am in the mood to be stretched. The Topher is an absolute winner for g-spot stimulation, with it slight curve and the semi-pronounced coronal ridge. I have found my solo use with this toy to be very different than my partnered use. When I am using it on my own, I don’t end up thrusting very much with it because the weight tires my arms out quickly (no judgment please). I usually end up inserting it and just clenching around it while using whatever my clit stimulation method of choice happens to be. When I use it with my partner, I have him thrust it for me, which has resulted in some of the most explosive orgasms I’ve experienced in recent memory. The feeling of stretching with the intense g-spot stimulation is almost too good. This toy actually has become Dick’s favorite dildo to fuck me with, not only because of the results he gets but also because it’s very easy to hold and use due to its shape and large balls. Not to mention the very, erm, theatrical sounds I make when he’s using it.
For comparison from the left: The Vixskin Ranger, the Squarepeg Mel, and the Hankey’s Topher Michaels
The Verdict: The Topher Michaels (in size medium) is a beast of a dildo. Its weight and girth mean that this is certainly not a beginner’s toy but definitely one that will satisfy someone with a lust for hole-stretching or gaping. I don’t think I would enjoy this toy as much if it was in any firmer silicone, so if you’re considering getting one keep that in mind. I wish it didn’t tire my arms out so much to fuck myself with it, but I don’t mind that too much, because when my partner does it for me I am reduced to a heaving, sweaty mess. I absolutely recommend this toy to others provided that they are looking for something large; otherwise, the original size might be a better bet. As for me, I’m keeping the Topher in my regular rotation. And possibly displaying it on my mantle as some sort of trophy. It’s a work of art.
Thank you to Hankey’s Toys for sending me this product in exchange for an honest review. All links in this post are affiliate links.
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